I am enough.

So I don't know if I will get around to that second balance post I had promised.  You can tell I am definitely not an expert in that area.  Life is crazy busy, but the funny/ironic thing about it is I am feeling more balanced.  Some things have changed in my day to day life and that is good.  I feel that overall I am getting much more done . . . . I expect eventually I will be able to incorporate my blogging into it as well.

Almost a year ago I was feeling rather inadequate, especially in my role as a mother.  I was at a soccer game and Little Miss was playing in the sand in the volleyball court.  In that quick moment I had the impression that I am supposed to be her mother.  There is something about me that makes us a good match and I will be able to take care of her.

Back in March we had a stake relief society birthday celebration.  I think I had only been to church twice, didn't know very many people.  As I was sitting there listening to the program, in this big group of people and feeling all alone the words came very clearly into my mind- "You are enough."

I am obviously not perfect (refer to paragraph 1), but I am finally learning and accepting that I can still fulfill my role and reach my potential without being perfect.

This is a quaking aspen in our backyard. Our neighbors told us that it was struck by lightning some years ago. I have thought about this tree and it's value and compared it to myself. I think we all believe that in some way or another we have been struck by lightning (and since I am such a crazy Jane Eyre fan I love this idea).

One day when we were out back my hubby snapped this photo of a wood pecker in our imperfect tree.  Did the bird care that the tree was struck by lightning?  No.  From that angle you can't even tell what damage the tree has received.  The imperfections are not getting in the way.  The tree is providing shade and a sanctuary for the birds.  It is still of value and worth.

For those who may be struggling with feelings of inadequacy, I hope you will believe me when I say that you are enough.  It is because of God's power and love.  Through Him we are enough.

Delay

I haven't been able to get Balance 101 part 2 up yet because last Sunday I was asked to give the relief society lesson on this Sunday. I've never given a lesson to grown ups and I'm kind of nervous. And I don't know hardly anyone's names as this will be my second time attending relief society in this ward. I was really surprised they asked me, but didn't think I had a very good reason to say no. I have really enjoyed the preparation portion and am surprised at how much time I have spent. Wish me luck!

Balance 101, part 1

Picture in your mind a man on a stage with a number of plates balanced on top of tall sticks. They are spinning precariously and one begins to wobble. You are sure it will fall, but the man is able to reach it and right it.

I often feel like a less talented version of this man, attempting to keep all of my plates spinning. I have been thinking about this idea for a few weeks now. I believe that the gospel and life are full of opposing ideas that provide a balance: good and evil, sickness and health, care for self and care for others. A sense of well being and joy is the result of good balance. When we are not balanced we experience feelings of uneasiness, frustration and hopelessness to name a few.

One obstacle is that each person's balance is different; we each have different plates. Plates may be such things as personal health, church responsibilities, work, education, family duties, illness, housework or debt. Even more complicated is the name and number of the plates will change as we progress through life.

As I turned to the scriptures to find examples they were a little obscure, but they are there. I thought of Martha (I discussed her last year). In her case the Savior himself pointed out her unbalance. She was too focused on her temporal duties, rather than spiritual matters.
Luke 10:41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art ^acareful and troubled about many things:

42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath ^achosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

He did not say that she was making a bad choice, but that Mary had chosen the good part.

I thought of Nephi. This example is not as clear, but I read in 2 Nephi 5:6 Wherefore, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did take my family, and also ^aZoram and his family, and Sam, mine elder brother and his family, and Jacob and Joseph, my younger brethren, and also my sisters, and all those who would go with me. And all those who would go with me were those who believed in the ^bwarnings and the revelations of God; wherefore, they did hearken unto my words.

I wonder if Nephi had weighed his different responsibilities of being a leader to his wayward brothers and to his own children. Yes, he was commanded by God to depart. Perhaps it had reached a point where it was no longer possible to care for one group without injuring the other. Nephi, following God's instructions, removed one of his plates.

The last example I thought of was a broad one, the epistles of Paul. In numerous places those early Christians had taken certain doctrines to the extreme. Paul wrote to help bring them back into balance. The people of Thessalonia were under the belief that the second coming of the Lord would be soon. In the Bible dictionary it says that it had "fostered an unhealthy excitement and seemed to countenance improvident idleness." While the doctrine of the second coming was true, the people were placing too much weight and focus on it.

When our equilibrium becomes off something typically happens to bring it to our attention. It can be circumstances colliding, declining health, too much stress, my children's tantrums, etc. They give us a needed wake up call and give us a chance to evaluate our plates and make changes.

In 2010 President Uchtdorf made this statement "There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions." I have a tendency to make things more difficult than they need to be. In part 2 of this balance topic I cover some ideas for finding your own balance.

I will end where I began, the image of the man spinning his plates. Last week I was at the gym, on a bike. As I was thinking about balance I imagined myself on stage struggling with my plates. I felt stretched beyond my abilities and was ready to give up. Suddenly I became aware that the plates were staying in place better. I realized that someone was standing behind me helping- catching the ones that I could not get to. It was my Savior. The picture was so real that it literally took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I know that help is available to each one of us; you are not alone!

Quick thought

My apologies for my laxness in writing. I think baby girl has an ear infection and I need to take her in tomorrow. We had stake conference today, but we didn't make it :( We had our own little church at home and watched this talk-The Love of God, by President Uchtdorf.

(photo from lds.org)

I think that as much as our little family loves each other we need to do better. Here are a few highlights-

"Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk." That is what we are going to work on-having love in our talk.

"When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden." How beautiful! To have our confusion cleared and to finally reach the point where obedience is truly joyful.

"Our Father in Heaven has given us, His children, much more than any mortal mind can comprehend. Under His direction the Great Jehovah created this wondrous world we live in. God the Father watches over us, fills our hearts with breathtaking joy, brightens our darkest hours with blessed peace, distills upon our minds precious truths, shepherds us through times of distress, rejoices when we rejoice, and answers our righteous petitions."

"My dear brothers and sisters, don’t get discouraged if you stumble at times. Don’t feel downcast or despair if you don’t feel worthy to be a disciple of Christ at all times. The first step to walking in righteousness is simply to try. We must try to believe. Try to learn of God: read the scriptures; study the words of His latter-day prophets; choose to listen to the Father, and do the things He asks of us. Try and keep on trying until that which seems difficult becomes possible—and that which seems only possible becomes habit and a real part of you." I really loved this paragraph. As long as I keep trying I am doing okay. I only fail if I have stopped trying.

I encouraged our family to listen to Heavenly Father's love this week. Since I spend most of my time with the children it is my responsibility to set the example in this. I pray that I will be able to see the love and point it out to my little loves.

Life and Nephi

(I'm not sure what is up with the formatting on this one, sorry :( My knowledge of computer code is lacking.)

I had such high hopes of starting off the year with a wonderfully insightful post, but here it is the end of January and it hasn't happened yet. I think I am expecting too much of myself (wanting everything to be in-depth and beautifully written) so I have done nothing. :( In my defense I have been pretty busy with house hunting, house finding, house paperwork, job, exercise, kids, husband, etc.

So I am just going to put these ideas out there. I don't feel that I have completed the thoroughness that I wanted, but hopefully the important points are there.

What's not to love about Nephi? Every time I read about him I am astounded at his character. I have been thinking a lot about faith lately. I used to classify Nephi as being obedient, but then I started questioning why. It is his faith. The faith came first and the obedience is a by product.

I attended a relief society lesson a couple of years ago where the teacher used the phrase "what does it look like?" Not sure why this struck me and stuck with me, but it did. During this process of moving and looking for a house I felt stress, frustration and some despair. I had to remind myself to be faithful. Then I asked myself "what does faith look like?" It looks like Nephi, who had to have faith to get the brass plates. He had faith that he was on God's errand and that he could accomplish it. He had faith even when the path was difficult. I know Laman and Lemuel have a bad reputation, but would I be as faithful if it took us three tries to accomplish what I had been asked to do? Faith is resilient; it is hopeful; it is hard work. I am an ongoing work in progress, but I think I learned to be more faithful through all of this.

Nephi led by example. In 1 Nephi 4: 2 he uses a scriptural example and applies it to their situation-Therefore let us go up; let us be ^astrong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red ^bSea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea.

Later in 1 Nephi 19:23 And I did read many things unto them which were written in the ^abooks of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet ^bIsaiah; for I did ^cliken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our ^dprofit and learning.

This is a famous scripture, but I had never made the connection with how he had taught this principle earlier.

I am impressed with how Nephi "frankly forgave" (1 Nephi 7:21) over and over. His life was threatened by his brothers multiple times and yet he forgave them and loved them unconditionally.

In the tree of life vision I have been interested in verses 5-8 of Chapter 8. Lehi sees an angel who bids him to follow him. Lehi does and finds himself in "a dark and dreary waste." After traveling for many hours in darkness he prays to the Lord and then the vision is opened to him. Why does he go through the darkness? I don't know that I have the answer(s), but I think the Lord gives us every opportunity to choose and grow. Sometimes we are stronger than we think. God knows this, but we don't so he provides ways for us to learn that. I also love that Nephi finds out for himself. Yes, he believes his father, but he takes it a step further and receives a spiritual confirmation of this own.

Time after time we see his faith, sometimes he understands other times he doesn't. When he is told to slay Laban he understands that it is better for one man to die than a nation to dwindle in unbelief. When he is told to make two sets of place he doesn't understand. 1 Nephi 9:6-"Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not." In both cases his response is the same-obedience.

Nephi is also dilligent. 1 Nephi 10:19 says "For he that diligently seeketh shall find and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them . . . " Nephi did the work to seek. His brothers did not and then whined and said they knew God wouldn't tell them. I wrote in my margin "You don't need to be brilliant, only diligent."

In all of the bad things that happen (even though Nephi is good) he responds the same way. He is temperate. He is the same before, during and after the trials. He is commanded to build a boat and the first thing he asks is where can I find ore? He lives in the desert; has no idea how to build a boat. Has he ever been on a boat I wonder? His fine steel bow breaks. And what does he do? Gets to work building a bow. He does everything in his own power then waits for directions and follows them. It seems so simple, yet I seem to struggle with it. I am making things harder than they need to be. I need to let my faith be my guide. What does it look like? Hard working, obedient, hopeful.

How grateful I am to Nephi for his example and righteousness. I am looking forward to studying the Book of Mormon this year. What have you learned from Nephi?

Christmas ponderings

So far I have not made much of an effort to get Christmas into my heart. I have been listening to lots of Christmas music though :) I have been trying to keep things very basic and have been thinking about the birth of my Savior. I have been pondering about what happened in between the lines.

Mary is visited by an angel and told she will conceive and bear the son of God. I know that she was incredibly valiant and was given lots of help. But I can't help wondering how people viewed her. She was engaged to be married and pregnant. Did they whisper and shun her in the market place? Did many people know the truth and did they believe her?

I also find the relationship between Mary and Joseph interesting. He is such a kind and gentle man. He truly loved Mary. He wanted to do right by her.
Matthew 1: 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.
He didn't want to embarrass her or make things worse than they needed to be. Then he was visited by the angel and it says that when he woke he took Mary to wife. I imagine he was very supportive to her in the delivery of Jesus. Was he frustrated that he couldn't find somewhere better than a mere stable? Did he ever feel confused or perhaps jealous that Mary was given such a great responsibility? I don't think so. It seems that he was endlessly loving and supportive; definitely chosen for the job. He seems to have known his place. He was the child's protector and example here on earth, yet he was not His father. But I can easily imagine the two of them working in the shop together and having a special bond with each other.

This scripture has been one of my favorites for many years-
Luke 2:19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
What a spiritual giant she must have been! I strive to be more like her.
This is probably my favorite picture. I don't know much about art, but when this picture was the in the Ensign a few years ago, it brought me to tears. I cut it out and hung it next to my bed. (Sorry that it's on a store site, but I wasn't sure about copyrighting issues).
How would she have felt when the shepherds showed up? She had just given birth for the first time. Birth is kind of a dirty, exhausting, wonderful experience. I cherish those first few hours when it is just me, daddy and the baby. Yet the child was not completely hers. Did she fully understand this when people came to worship him? Did she ever want to say, hey guys, can you come back later? I just gave birth and am not really up to entertaining right now. As far as we can tell she didn't. She just pondered everything in her heart.

And the shepherds. What pure, simple faith they had. What joy must have filled their hearts to have an angel personally announce the birth of the Savior to them!

The wise men. I have thought a lot about them lately on their journey to find Christ. They must have studied and been watching for the new star. Were they ridiculed for their faith and hope? When they decided to go on this long journey what did those around them think? Were they supportive or did their wives think they were crazy? Did the wise men ever feel like turning around? What a big gamble to travel such a long way. And at the end of their journey did they feel it had all been worth it? I believe they did. I feel that we are all on a journey to find Christ and we can follow their example.

I believe that Christ was born on the earth, just as it says in the scriptures. I believe He is the Only Begotten Son. He came to earth because He loves us and His father. Through Him all my wishes can come true. I love Him and want so desperately to feel worthy to be in His presence when I get my chance to meet Him.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

P.S. If you haven't had a chance to watch these videos you really should. They are beautiful!

Always

It is late (or very early), but I have been thinking about the word always. I don't want to over analyze things (although the risk for that is really quite low), but I think that there are mysteries and valuable lessons contained in details.

In school the word always is a big red flag in true or false questions. That one word stands out because it is rarely, if ever correct. Chemistry is one place that comes to mind. Elements never react the same way every time. How interesting is it that it is one of God's most defining attributes, yet here on earth we see the word always and automatically assume it is false? I think this is one of the concepts my little mortal brain can't quite get a good hold on. I have faith that it is true and I have evidence of it in the scriptures. Someday I will understand the breadth and scope of that word.

Here are a few of those scriptures-
Doctrine and Covenants 62:9 Behold, the kingdom is yours. And behold, and lo, I am with the faithful always. Even so. Amen.

Mosiah 29:12 Now it is better that a man should be judged of God than of man, for the judgments of God are always just, but the judgments of man are not always just.
What a relief that is to know that His judgments are always just! We can know exactly where we stand and what we can improve on.

Mosiah 4:12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.
I came across this scripture a couple of weeks ago and found such joy in it. What a wonderful peace that comes from knowing the constancy and unchanging nature of God and His plan.

2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.

Doctrine and Covenants 108:8 And behold, and lo, I am with you to bless you and deliver you forever. Amen.
I love the simplicity and directness in this one. It is a fact. He wants to bless us always.

Moroni 7:47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
His love endures forever. This is a blessing that I am working on understanding, accepting and welcoming with the hope that one day I will be able to emulate Him.

In a world that is constantly changing I am filled with gratitude and peace to know that there is someone I can always rely on.

Isaiah 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.